Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
