is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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