oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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