You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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