we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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