dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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