There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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