I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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