im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize