I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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