Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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