do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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