just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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