): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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