why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
