I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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