There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
