dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
