she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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