I hate all girls vehemently.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
