At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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