DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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