She said her name was "party"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it was like eating out sand paper
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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