He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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