You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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