What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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