We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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