You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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