i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
