i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
