I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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