Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
