If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you win again, gameday.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
