Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
