Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't think brook has ever known best
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
