what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
