I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
