Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
