The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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