did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize