I can text with my tongue
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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