just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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