she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize