Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
