Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
