If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
