If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
