we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
