I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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