I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
