Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
