Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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