Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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