I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
