this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
