Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
