Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
