well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
This house was built for laser tag.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
