Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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