He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
