it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
