put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
