were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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